Friday, December 16, 2011

REP! Steps to Becoming A Hero

People often have many different approaches when exercising at their gyms. Many people lack identities. If this is your case, a composite cheatsheet has been made to make you appear to be the ultimate gym rat.

The Gym Code:

A) Lift as close to the mirror as possible to see every vein unmasking itself.

B) Light weights are for the grannies; even if you can only do two reps of the heaviest weight, you still beasted it.

C) When looking for a spotter, ask the skinniest person in the gym to watch you get your bodacious rip in so they feel jealous.

D) On your last rep, be sure to let everyone know it.

E) Be sure to always keep your shaker bottle within an arms reach and sip out of it AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

F) NEVER WIPE YOUR SWEAT OFF YOUR FACE! LET IT DRIP OFF YOUR NOSE ONTO THE FLOOR.

G) When moving from exercise to exercise, you need to remember to flex because you never know when a fitness mag editor is watching.

H) Dominate the water fountain. Alpha males drink the longest.

I) Never say have a good day to the desk clerk; You're not at the gym to make friends.

J) End your workouts with some cardio. Speed walking on the eliptical machine should do it. You have to protect your joints.

K) Always pretend that your exhausted, so that when you can't get up your last REP, people know you are working harder than them.

L) After your workout, immediately find meat and eat as much
as you can.
HINT: CHINESE BUFFETS ARE A GREAT SOURCE OF PROTEIN.

M) 1) Take a t-shirt one size too small and cut the sleeves off of it.
NOTE: SHIRT MUST BE CUT WITHIN TWO INCHES OF BOTTOM

N) Stare at your weight like it offended you.

O) Talk shit to your weight.

P) If you fail on a set, look confused like there was reasons unbeknownst to you for why it happened.

Q) Always have a smile on your face when doing curls. Girls go to the gym, too.

R) Follow random people around after their sets and stare at them while you rep out more weight at the same exercise.

S) Give advice to as many people as you can on their form.

T) Carry a notepad. You don't have to write anything but it looks official.

U) Sweatpants are not for the gym. Sweatshirts, yes. Sweatpants, No. Sweatshirts make you look like you're training for a boxing match.

V) SYS: Superset your supplements.

W) Read the dosage on your supps label and double it.

X) Obstruct as many people's view as you can when doing your sets in front of the mirror.

Y) When maxing out, you need to let out a warriors bark on the way up.

Z) Yelling REP! each rep will inevitably get that weight up.


Be sure to follow these steps at least 3 times a week and watch your body grow into brutal savage's.

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