A list of individuals you are bound to experience no matter what gym you belong to.
1. The Screamer- This individual is probably the most well known stereotype but one that has their place in every health club nationwide. No matter the exercise, weight, or rep count, this individual wants you to know they are there and they communicate it in the form of screaming. As the weight and set number goes up, so too does the volume of the yell. The individual doesn’t actually care if he succeeds in lifting the weight; he just gauges his success by the number of heads that turn in response to his cry for attention.
2. The Self-Motivator- Often mistaken for the screamer, this individual actually can give a crap about what anyone else in the weight room is doing, saying or thinking. He is too focused on verbally and physically beating himself in an attempt to motivate his body to succeed on the next set. If you listen closely to these individuals you will realize that they literally talk s*** to themselves and phrases like “if you don’t get this, you are a b****” are commonplace. When verbal insults are not cutting it, these gym-goers begin to slap or punch themselves, typically in their head. At points it may seem like you should call someone for help, but you really just need to let it ride out and hope for the best.
3. The Cast of Jersey Shore- These people usually travel in groups and can easily be identified by their black, grey or white wife-beaters. They look like it took them 40 minutes to do their hair, put on cologne and wristbands, but somehow they forgot a shirt on the way out. For some reason they all have overly dramatic Italian accents and generally have 2 topics of conversation: what nightclubs they have recently been too and which girl on the treadmill they would like to “smoosh.” You rarely will catch these individuals actually exercising but if you are lucky enough to see them, they are usually doing bicep curls or secretly flexing in the mirror and looking over their shoulder to check it out. Taking unknown supplements, tanning and wearing pants to hide their underworked legs are expected with this group.
4. Mr. Know-It-All- This particular individual is one that doesn’t hesitate to put their two cents in whenever the opportunity presents itself. They are usually filled with incorrect knowledge they have acquired from magazines and the Internet and they jump at the chance to share that with anyone who will look their way. If they are uneducated on a subject (which is most of the time), they will throw as much b.s. out there until they say something sounds smart and then they just roll with it. Many times these individuals seem to be part of a disappearing act. As you are about to bench you will hear one of these “geniuses” say something like, “you should go slower next set” and before you can turn to see where this voice of reason is coming from, they have vanished and are on to their next victim.
5. The Newbies- These guys are fun to watch but at points you actually feel bad for them. They are the individuals who are easily corrupted by Mr. Know-it-all because of their willingness to listen to any advice possible. You may catch one of these individuals staring at you in the mirror as you are performing an exercise. You may become creeped out but they truly are trying to comprehend what they are seeing and wondering if they could do it (sometimes they actually mimic your actions). The “newbs” will tend to hang around the machines because they enjoy reading the descriptions and looking at the pictures, but also benefit from the assistance the machines provide. When listening to advice they seem like they are concentrating really hard and absorbing all you have to say, but really they are so lost that they think staring at you hard will put you under the impression that they understand.
A few more that you may want to look out for
- The “Bi Guys”- These guys take the phrase “curls for the girls” too literally.
- Elasti-Man- They spend 60 minutes stretching and 20 minutes actually working out.
- The Scientist- The guys you see who just experiment with different things and try to make their own exercises just to eventually realize they failed and all they have done was created a mess.
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