Guidelines For the Novice

Too often I see those who are new to lifting following advanced workouts that cripple their form, ability and potential. They take advice from magazines just looking to sell copies and from friends who lack any knowledge to actually make a positive influence. So I want to provide a few tips for those who are new to lifting but don’t know what they should be doing. This is also for those who want to give advice to their friends who are new to lifting but have no clue what to tell them…

1.     Form- The most important aspect of lifting, whether you are just starting out or you are competing in the Olympics, is form. Having good form allows for a few things. First, it allows for greater potential for max weight. The better your form is, the more weight you will eventually be able to do. Second, it allows for your body to benefit from the intended function of that exercise. For example, have you ever seen anyone performing bicep curls but they are actually jerking the weight around? That is bad form and they are actually not isolating and using the bicep as much as they think. Instead they are using their back for assistance and taking most of the work OFF of the biceps, therefore not getting the exercises intended use. Having correct form will also help prevent injury. Many individuals who refuse to squat or deadlift will tell you they don’t do it because “it’s bad for your back and knees.” Bull****. It’s bad for your knees and back when your form is poor and the weight is too heavy for your personal strength. The problem is, too many people refuse to learn proper form, so right off the bat they eliminate so many useful exercises and also limit their potential.

2.     Exploration- This is another crucial part of learning your body and preferences as a novice lifter. For some reason there is a popular belief that if you go to the gym you need to have a written workout to follow. When you are new to lifting this is not necessary, in fact, it shouldn’t be done. Because it is something new, your body needs to explore. You need to try different exercises, use different body parts, explore with all equipment. Why? Because you don’t know what works for you OR what you enjoy. You also don’t have a set goal in mind that you are working towards. Power lifters try to lift as much weight in bench, squat and deadlift. For that reason, they train those three lifts predominantly with other auxiliary exercises. But that doesn’t mean that’s what you should be training nor does it mean you should come in wanting to be a power lifter, bodybuilder, and so forth. That’s what the exploration stage is all about. Your only goal as a novice lifter should be to try everything and determine what direction you want to go in from there.

3.     Repetitions- like I stated above, when you are new to lifting you need to master the form of the exercises. However, the form doesn’t just come from picking up a bar and trying it. It takes practice, as does everything. For this reason, you should be working with as many repetitions as possible in order to get that form and technique down. Whenever we are new to something it is naturally going to feel awkward. But eventually our body will adapt, as long as we continue to work at it. Therefore, you should not be trying to lift maximum weight before you are positive that your form is tip-top. Once you have mastered the form through repetition, the weight will start increasing tremendously, but you can’t have one without the other.

Obviously this is just a guideline of how you should approach lifting if you are new to the skill. I will not sit here and write you a workout to follow and guarantee results. That’s not how it works at the beginning stage of a skill. Explore, work on your form and practice, practice, practice! I will guarantee if you do that, you will have a more successful lifting career and a lot more fun in the weight room.

How ta Cut yo Shirtz

You know your shirt is cut at proper dimensions when you take off some lettering on the front. Remember, having the right cut off is too important to overlook. If you walk into the weight room with a Scorpion tee, you're not going to get the respect you deserve. (Notice the friggin' upside down triangle shape that his shirt has. School on Saturdays fellas.)

Things to AVOID wearing at the gym…

1.     Weightlifting Belt- For heavy deadlifts or squats, yes, they are fine. For bicep curls or crunches, no. You just look uneducated.

2.     Jeans- Talk about the ultimate newbie move. Not to mention, have you ever sweat in jeans? Its extremely uncomfortable.

3.     Pants in general- This includes sweatpants too. It makes it look like working legs is nowhere on your radar. And even if it isn’t, don’t make it so obvious.

4.     Shirts with frayed sleeves- PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASEEE do not shred you sleeves so they are frayed. The only thing worse is fraying them and then knotting each fray at the end. First, it shows the kind of life you lead just because you had the time to actually do that. Second, you look like a straight geek.

5.     Hats- Just a personal thing…anyone who wears a hat in the weight room doesn’t ever look like they are working hard. Plus, it just gets in the way.

6.     Sweatbands- If you honestly sweat so much that you need something to absorb it all, use a towel. No need to put a Jock Jams theme to your outfit.

7.     Underarmour with nothing on top- It’s called UNDERarmour for a reason, we don’t need to see your man boobs.

8.     Wife-beaters- Despite popular belief, wife-beaters don’t increase how juiced you look. It just looks like you missed the last step when getting dressed.

9.     Gloves- another personal one of mine. If you’re really worried about getting calluses, use wrist straps or hooks. Anything is better than looking like you robbed a hobo.

Oh, the people you will see..

A list of individuals you are bound to experience no matter what gym you belong to.

1.     The Screamer- This individual is probably the most well known stereotype but one that has their place in every health club nationwide. No matter the exercise, weight, or rep count, this individual wants you to know they are there and they communicate it in the form of screaming. As the weight and set number goes up, so too does the volume of the yell. The individual doesn’t actually care if he succeeds in lifting the weight; he just gauges his success by the number of heads that turn in response to his cry for attention. 

2.     The Self-Motivator- Often mistaken for the screamer, this individual actually can give a crap about what anyone else in the weight room is doing, saying or thinking. He is too focused on verbally and physically beating himself in an attempt to motivate his body to succeed on the next set. If you listen closely to these individuals you will realize that they literally talk s*** to themselves and phrases like “if you don’t get this, you are a b****” are commonplace. When verbal insults are not cutting it, these gym-goers begin to slap or punch themselves, typically in their head. At points it may seem like you should call someone for help, but you really just need to let it ride out and hope for the best.

3.     The Cast of Jersey Shore- These people usually travel in groups and can easily be identified by their black, grey or white wife-beaters. They look like it took them 40 minutes to do their hair, put on cologne and wristbands, but somehow they forgot a shirt on the way out. For some reason they all have overly dramatic Italian accents and generally have 2 topics of conversation: what nightclubs they have recently been too and which girl on the treadmill they would like to “smoosh.” You rarely will catch these individuals actually exercising but if you are lucky enough to see them, they are usually doing bicep curls or secretly flexing in the mirror and looking over their shoulder to check it out. Taking unknown supplements, tanning and wearing pants to hide their underworked legs are expected with this group.

4.     Mr. Know-It-All- This particular individual is one that doesn’t hesitate to put their two cents in whenever the opportunity presents itself. They are usually filled with incorrect knowledge they have acquired from magazines and the Internet and they jump at the chance to share that with anyone who will look their way. If they are uneducated on a subject (which is most of the time), they will throw as much b.s. out there until they say something sounds smart and then they just roll with it. Many times these individuals seem to be part of a disappearing act. As you are about to bench you will hear one of these “geniuses” say something like, “you should go slower next set” and before you can turn to see where this voice of reason is coming from, they have vanished and are on to their next victim.

5.     The Newbies- These guys are fun to watch but at points you actually feel bad for them. They are the individuals who are easily corrupted by Mr. Know-it-all because of their willingness to listen to any advice possible. You may catch one of these individuals staring at you in the mirror as you are performing an exercise. You may become creeped out but they truly are trying to comprehend what they are seeing and wondering if they could do it (sometimes they actually mimic your actions). The “newbs” will tend to hang around the machines because they enjoy reading the descriptions and looking at the pictures, but also benefit from the assistance the machines provide. When listening to advice they seem like they are concentrating really hard and absorbing all you have to say, but really they are so lost that they think staring at you hard will put you under the impression that they understand.

A few more that you may want to look out for

-       The “Bi Guys”- These guys take the phrase “curls for the girls” too literally.

-       Elasti-Man- They spend 60 minutes stretching and 20 minutes actually working out.

-       The Scientist- The guys you see who just experiment with different things and try to make their own exercises just to eventually realize they failed and all they have done was created a mess.

Supp. of the Day: Tribulus Terrestris

     Tribulus Terrestris extract is being used as a complementary or alternative supplement for raising natural testosterone within the body. Most of you are aware of the positive aspects a natural boost in testosterone will have on your efforts to build lean, hard muscle and strength. Higher levels of testosterone has numerous performance enhancing benefits, including improving recovery, increasing energy, boosting protein synthesis, improving nitrogen balance, and increasing workout intensity. This extract is included in many different lifting pills today, but taking an isolated dosage will leave you with the benefits and not with the pesky side effects of a pill jammed with a plethora of extracts and unknown things that may or may not be optimal for ingestion.

REP! Steps to Becoming A Hero

People often have many different approaches when exercising at their gyms. Many people lack identities. If this is your case, a composite cheatsheet has been made to make you appear to be the ultimate gym rat.

The Gym Code:

A) Lift as close to the mirror as possible to see every vein unmasking itself.

B) Light weights are for the grannies; even if you can only do two reps of the heaviest weight, you still beasted it.

C) When looking for a spotter, ask the skinniest person in the gym to watch you get your bodacious rip in so they feel jealous.

D) On your last rep, be sure to let everyone know it.

E) Be sure to always keep your shaker bottle within an arms reach and sip out of it AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

F) NEVER WIPE YOUR SWEAT OFF YOUR FACE! LET IT DRIP OFF YOUR NOSE ONTO THE FLOOR.

G) When moving from exercise to exercise, you need to remember to flex because you never know when a fitness mag editor is watching.

H) Dominate the water fountain. Alpha males drink the longest.

I) Never say have a good day to the desk clerk; You're not at the gym to make friends.

J) End your workouts with some cardio. Speed walking on the eliptical machine should do it. You have to protect your joints.

K) Always pretend that your exhausted, so that when you can't get up your last REP, people know you are working harder than them.

L) After your workout, immediately find meat and eat as much
as you can.
HINT: CHINESE BUFFETS ARE A GREAT SOURCE OF PROTEIN.

M) 1) Take a t-shirt one size too small and cut the sleeves off of it.
NOTE: SHIRT MUST BE CUT WITHIN TWO INCHES OF BOTTOM

N) Stare at your weight like it offended you.

O) Talk shit to your weight.

P) If you fail on a set, look confused like there was reasons unbeknownst to you for why it happened.

Q) Always have a smile on your face when doing curls. Girls go to the gym, too.

R) Follow random people around after their sets and stare at them while you rep out more weight at the same exercise.

S) Give advice to as many people as you can on their form.

T) Carry a notepad. You don't have to write anything but it looks official.

U) Sweatpants are not for the gym. Sweatshirts, yes. Sweatpants, No. Sweatshirts make you look like you're training for a boxing match.

V) SYS: Superset your supplements.

W) Read the dosage on your supps label and double it.

X) Obstruct as many people's view as you can when doing your sets in front of the mirror.

Y) When maxing out, you need to let out a warriors bark on the way up.

Z) Yelling REP! each rep will inevitably get that weight up.


Be sure to follow these steps at least 3 times a week and watch your body grow into brutal savage's.